I do not actually have a sociopath next door, but have encountered a couple over the years who were in close proximity.
I used to not believe that these people truly existed—or at least not anywhere near me. I was wrong. I have watched one person in particular who possesses most (if not all) of these characteristics repeatedly manipulate and victimize another individual for control purposes and subsequently humiliate them. The results is always the second person, hurt and enraged, swearing that they will never let themselves be duped again. And they don’t for a while. But ever so cunningly, the cycle always begins again. You may have experienced the same thing, or witnessed it in people you know. The woman who will not leave the lover who abuses her, the man who will not believe that his wife is having an affair. The friend who gets sucked in by someone’s tall tales and twisted manipulations, thinking that this person is simply identifying with them and forging a bond. All the while they are being isolated from people who genuinely do care for their well-being, so that the sociopath can have complete control.
Once again I find myself telling the person who is being victimized that they are (once again) being victimized. Once again I know that it will be just a little bit longer before they terminate contact with the sociopath. And in a few short months, I will most likely (once again) find myself witnessing odd behaviour on their part, and they will let it “slip” that they have let the sociopath back in. This is the part where I will see their relationships with family members and friends become strained and distant, and the sociopath will be feeding them delusions about how they are the only one who truly understands them and cares for them. This is the part where my friend will begin to believe these lies, and develop an animosity towards loved ones thanks to the sociopath’s manipulation. Jerk.
This is the part where my friend temporarily cuts off connection with me because of this blog post. And in a little while, connection will be made again. Maybe. Seeing as I have never written a blog post on the subject, I can’t be sure of that one…
I am tired. I like happy, positive, pleasant. Not fake, not in a bubble, not rose-coloured. Just positive and conducive to growth and genuine caring relationships. Not this stuff.
I am tired.
One thing that is learned through the years is that evil and hatred most certainly do exist, despite our desire for them not to. When our instincts speak to us, it is best to tune in and listen.
Life is too short to have it butchered, stolen or destroyed by those who choose harm over good. Or in lighter cases simply choose misery over contentment.
A sociopath cannot survive alone. They have no power when they have no one to have power over.
If you think you know someone like what I just described, please, gently but certainly, distance yourself from them. They will not change, ever. Sociopaths do not change. They cover up, they cloak themselves in kindness and feigned emotion so that you feel tenderness from them, but ultimately they do not change.
And they ALWAYS get a thrill out of the pain they cause you and the control that they have over you. You are fooling yourself if you think otherwise.
I will end this post and brace myself for what may come of it. I have my own well-being, the well-being of my life partner, and the well-being of seven little lovelies to think of. I have parents who are not getting any younger, and will require more love and energy from me as the years carry on, which I do not consider a burden but a blessing, as they have cared for me so well. There is something to be said for time spent with our parents as they carry on in life. Though mine still have enough spunk and energy to put most 30-year-olds to shame.
I will no longer baby-sit adults who choose to be miserable and wreck their own lives, nor will I make myself available to their negativity and destructive choices. I can help people get out of their cycles, but they need to learn to walk on their own.
I had to.
We are all responsible for our own happiness, difficult as that may be to swallow.
Let us walk along life’s path wisely.