Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
1. Drowning. Drowning has been a fear since childhood. One would think it became a fear after moving to the island and hitting the beach a few times, playing in the waves to feel the pull of a slight undercurrent. Nope. Drowning dates back to a childhood in Deux-Montagnes. I am not sure which incident happened first. Maybe they both happened within the same year. There is a boat launch on Ch. du Grand Moulin where it meets Cedar. Or at least there used to be; I haven’t been to it in over 20 years but spent a lot of time there skipping rocks as a kid. Anyhow, we would always go for walks and in the winter one day Mom took us sliding. I slid down the hill and went through the ice. I was nowhere near fully immersed or anything. It was shallow, and I was basically up to my waist. But I was terrified, and was sure that what I felt underneath my feet were moving ice pieces or sharks or god knows what. I felt like if I moved at all I’d go under and not come out. We had heard about kids trying to cross the ice under the bridge between St-Eustache & Laval and going through the ice and drowning. Bodies would be found in the spring when the ice melted. I wonder if this is why I was so afraid, even though I was in shallow water with nothing to fear? I was pretty young, maybe 4 or 5 I think… On another occasion, when I was a bit older (I knew how to swim underwater so I am going to guess about 6 or 7), I was skimming the bottom of our above-ground pool, as I loved to do. We would toss things in and then dive down to collect them and spend as much time as possible underwater. I have mentioned my older brother in my last post. For the record, I would like to clarify that regardless of what he may have been like when we were kids, he is now almost 38, happily married to a wonderful woman, has two beautiful little girls, and is a pretty cool guy all in all. So don’t hate him for things I may write about here LOL. Anyhow, I was contentedly swimming underwater, and my brother was swimming above water. He decided it would be fun to swim right over me and not let me come up for air. Funny at first, then frightening when my lungs felt like they were going to burst and I began to slip into panic mode. I must have bumped right into him or something to get him off, but he finally let me up. I remember this as clear as day. I used to also always be afraid to go over bridges in case the car went over the side and we were trapped. So drowning is fear #1.
2. My children (or anyone close to me) drowning. Because of my memory of being underwater and not being able to take in air. Because I have read the play-by-play of what happens to a person’s lungs and body when they are drowning. Because I remember the fear I felt, and it would kill me to know that my child or someone I love is experiencing or has experienced that and more. We go to the beach regularly. There is an undercurrent. My children are adventurous. I fear that they come to a point one day where their desire for fun and adventure in the process of wave jumping exceeds their awareness of the danger and their respect for the sea. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it…
3. Losing a child. Because I would miss them. Terribly, every day for the rest of my life and everything would remind me of them. I would ache for them. I think the manner in which a child leaves the world makes a difference in how a parent grieves. My heart aches for those who have lost children in unspeakable manners. My heart aches for those who have lost children at all… I am not only speaking of death. I am speaking of the child who becomes so far involved in drugs or crimes or whatever that they disconnect entirely from their parents. But… at least there is a hope for their return. So for obvious reasons, because one can not control the future and there is loss and suffering in life, loss of a child. Or a child dealing with a horrible or painful situation. Maybe that would be a 3. A, B & C? I don’t know. I think you catch my drift.
That was… heavy. On to the lighter, fluffier part of the day… 😉