Violent Inner Peace

So I’m reading this book (that is not on my reading list),  and it is amazing.  I have been fairly consistent with taking the time to meditate in the morning before my senses are overloaded with the noise of eight people and a television set.

If you  think meditation will bring you peace, it will not—initially. I mean, it will in a sense, but it will also bring to the surface all of the irritations and frustrations that you may be suppressing and refusing to deal with. You may believe that they are being magnified, but they aren’t. You are simply seeing them as they are, feeling them as they are,  and no longer able to ignore the truth of their existence in your life.

I almost threw something across the kitchen this morning right after meditating. That was the intensity of how irritated I was with coming face to face with this particular annoyance yet again, first thing in the morning.

Oh, it runs deeper than that, of course. A symptom of my tendency to just not make a big deal out of small things because naggy critical “always complaining” negative people annoy the shit out of me in ways that words cannot express. They seem miserable and yet they are at the root of their own misery, but insist on dragging everyone around them into that misery. This actually makes me angry. Yes, angry, says the meditating yogi… And I don’t want to be one of those people, so I ignore the so-called small things, and tell myself that small things are just that—small things— and confuse the Suppression Road with the High Road.

Meditation brings these things to the surface.

I could stop. I could say, No, this practice is wreaking havoc in my life, I will cut it out and things can go back to normal… But that would be an unwise choice.  That would be like the person who hasn’t worked out in years, and then does, gets a few aches and pains and then quits before they can actually begin experiencing the benefits and good feelings that will come after the initial discomfort. I think that’s why so many people quit working out within the first couple of weeks.

The last time I  was consistent the same thing happened. I gradually petered off in my practice, partially because I was working so much last summer. I am, truthfully, a little frightened of what may come to the surface this time. But if it`s there, then it needs to be dealt with, right?

It is an interesting experience, this thing we call life.

Le sigh…


2 thoughts on “Violent Inner Peace

  1. I love that line, Jo – “I almost threw something across the kitchen this morning right after meditating.”, and then the explanation of why it makes sense… Your thought process and understanding are powerful, and I thank you for sharing.

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